Back in Florida — I’ll keep you posted on whether or not I regret it!
I haven’t had the time, nor the inclination if I’m being honest, to update about the fact that Nick and I are back in Florida. I wouldn’t prefer to be here, and although I’ve learned a bunch of incredible new things as a result of our cross-country exploration, I’ve sort of been left with a sour taste in my mouth now that we’re back, along with a seemingly insatiable wanderlust that creeps into my brain when I’m not expecting it to with images of white, sandy beaches or endless deserts. We haven’t really seen anyone we know (other than family), haven’t really revisited any of the places we’ve mentioned missing since Boston and it sort of still feels like I’m not really here, if that makes sense.
The long story version of why we’re back is upsetting and ends with my mother and I no longer really speaking. I’m not sure what sort of stuff I feel comfortable writing about on a public blog yet, so forgive me for sparing most of the details. The big picture, though, is that I’m back in sunny Florida, for awhile at least. Nick is also generally less than enthused with our reimplantation, and often expresses just how much he misses being anywhere else. I guess Florida has that soul-sucking effect on a lot of people that comes with long-term exposure.
More has happened over the last four months than in the entire year before leaving that Nick and I have spent together, although that year was filled with a lot of crap on its own. Relationships kind of suck, don’t they? I mean, they’re great and everything, don’t get me wrong, but they require a lot of attention and sometimes get messy and fighting with the person you love really super sucks, you know? When you’re little and imagining what true love and soul mates will be like, you don’t typically simultaneously envision the irrational jealousy or botched attempts at communicating with one another. I feel like we understand each other better now, though, even if only for the fact that we each have firsthand experience with “monster-in-laws” to the 500 millionth degree (and that’s still an understatement).
I think I’ve officially given up on any Hallmark sort of happy ending for my life and have instead replaced it with feelings of trepidation and “just a little bit more” without it suddenly imploding in on itself. On the brighter side, though, I have a different sort of outlook on life than I had before. I’m not afraid of the same things because I’ve survived them and I’m more inclined to try new ones because I’m bored with the things I’ve already done. Today I set an alarm on my phone for a movie that came on Lifetime. I’m overcompensating for the lack of a maternal influence in my life; this is a cry for help.
Things aren’t all bad, I guess. I went to Islands of Adventure a few weeks ago and have already filed my taxes. We spent an afternoon at a beach on the Gulf coast and I’ve become reacquainted with Conan again, thanks to cable television. My living situation and financial stability is precarious at best, but Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 came on HBO a few nights ago and I swear, I can’t get through that damn movie without crying all over the place to save my life. It’s the little things, right?
I’m trying to proceed with the sort of righteous indignation of a woman scorned, although I only have myself to blame for what’s become of things. You live and you learn and yadda, yadda, whatever. I’m over it, crying about all the things that go wrong can’t possibly make my situation any better and I’m sick of getting gross, smudgy mascara tears all over my sleeves. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Story of my stupid life!
Spring forward and suddenly it’s 7:30 in the morning and I haven’t slept. I’m over caffeinated and I hope that Nick reads this before trying to wake me up before I’m ready. Tomorrow (today?) we’re going to donate blood for movie tickets. Or, rather, we’re going to donate blood to be charitable and help the greater good and because 1 pint of blood can save 3 lives, and the good ol’ people over at the Bloodmobile are going to give us each two free movie tickets for donating, which totally has nothing to do with the fact that we’re driving to a mall so we can sit in line outside of a Big Red Bus so that they can procure our precious platelets*.
*Is platelets right? I don’t know science, I like alliteration.
The plan is, for now, to find jobs and secure some semblance of stability* so that I can start school. One of the most important things I’ve figured out since moving has been what I want to declare as my major. I mean, I’ve declared already, more than once! That was the problem — I couldn’t decide on anything. I went from an English major to Journalism followed by Anthropology, Psychology, a brief stint with Oceanology and had finally settled on a generic Public Relations and Advertising degree (which I still think is pretty cool, but, you know).
After much (much, much, muchmuchmuchmuch) deliberation, I’ve decided that I want to eventually teach first grade. I’ve always loved kids and think that the elementary environment will be good for me personally. I’ve always wanted a career doing something that I enjoyed, that also did something for other people. Money wasn’t a huge factor to me, despite my deep adoration of spending it, and I feel confident that I could live happily off of a teacher’s salary, however small it may be. I hope to start school with a renewed enthusiasm for learning now that I’ve decided what I want to do, and will hopefully be enrolling sometime before next Spring!
* That alliteration thing, bro. Get on it.
I’ll be posting photos from the theme park in awhile, but for now, here are some random ones from my phone!
Black and white month for me on Instagram! I wanted to test myself.
I’ve been babysitting this little guy for the last week and a half while his mom works. He’s three and loves Curious George and monster trucks!