The Perks of Being Floridian

I know I often make it seem like being from Florida is one of the worst things to happen since the Holocaust (I’m just kidding, don’t get upset, I’ve seen 2.5 episodes of the Sarah Silverman Program, I’m down with the Jews!), and it does have its certain… Disadvantages. You know how much I love lists, right? Here’s a photo-list double feature post for all you special guys and gals out there! 😉

The Perks of Being Floridian

  • Florida Resident discounts to theme parks and special events specific to the state
  • Spring Break weather 24/7 for approximately 332 days of the year
  • Some pretty neat museums and attractions — The Titanic Museum in Orlando, the Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, the inhabitants of downtown Miami on a Friday night
  • Cheap cost of living versus other heavily visited areas such as NYC, Boston, Los Angeles
  • Parallel parking not required on the Florida driving test
  • Good public school system (or so I like to convince myself, since I grew up in it)

The Sucky Parts About Living in America’s Willy

  • If the sun is up, you can almost guarantee that it will be too freaking hot and humid and disgusting outside to take advantage of the great downtown Orlando scene or the theme park discounts.
  • Spring Break weather 24/7 for approximately 332 days of the year
  • Opening your mailbox in the middle of July to find your electric bill (How can it cost $300 to keep a house at a comfortable 50 degrees? Am I the only person with a soul frigid enough to exist this way?)
  • Swamps, swampy smells in non-swampy places, knowing exactly what dying vegetation smells like even when you live in the “city”
  • The homeless, or rather, Florida’s idiotic laws and lack of care for prevention of the homeless*
  • The radio stations all play the same 6 songs for months at a time. I’ve never encountered this problem anywhere else.

This smells like a tangent, don’t get me started.

I guess you’d just have to weigh your personal pros against your cons if you were thinking about moving here. The perpetual summer may seem tempting, but if your idea of summer isn’t stepping into a giant, moist arm pit every time you walk out of your apartment, then you should probably move to California or New Mexico. I don’t know, whatever. Anyway!

My friend Amy works for Universal and one of the coolest perks of knowing people who work in the theme parks (which, you always will if you live here long term, you’ll end up renting a room from Mickey Mouse or sitting next to the girl who works the Spider-Man ride at Islands of Adventure) is getting into the parks for free, or at a hugely discounted rate! We had been having a super rough couple of days and really needed a break and Amy was awesome enough to get us two park-hopping tickets! Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to make it to the Universal side but the IoA part was awesome — as always! — and I’m happy to say that I enjoyed my HP Land Butterbeer with the utmost satisfaction! 😀

It tries and fails to give the illusion of snowy Hogsmeade but whatever, it's awesome anyway!

It tries and fails to give the illusion of snowy Hogsmeade but whatever, it’s awesome anyway!

Stupid, ditzy, dumb, BUT JURASSIC PARK DINO GUY

Stupid, ditzy, dumb, BUT JURASSIC PARK DINO GUY

Amazing, so wonderful, perfect

Amazing, so wonderful, perfect

You know what these are!

You know what these are!

The entrance to the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride. It's pretty fantastic but it makes me kind of sick because of all the crazy movements and 3D stuff. SO COOL THOUGH, RIDE IT.

The entrance to the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride. It’s pretty fantastic but it makes me kind of sick because of all the crazy movements and 3D stuff. SO COOL THOUGH, RIDE IT.

The Owl Post. They'll mail your postcard for you from "Hogsmeade". It's awesome.

The Owl Post. They’ll mail your postcard for you from “Hogsmeade”. It’s awesome.

This whole section is decked out in Marvel stuff. It's fantastic!

This whole section is decked out in Marvel stuff. It’s fantastic!

Dat water. Hard Rock Orlando! An ex boyfriend's mother's boyfriend is the head of security here. Do you see how I'm showing you these degrees of separation between me and theme park employees? I wasn't joking, you'll really know at least 3 people who work there, at least seasonally. I didn't even realize working at a theme park wasn't a normal, everyday job everywhere until I was, like, sixteen. Wat.

Dat water. Hard Rock Orlando! An ex boyfriend’s mother’s boyfriend is the head of security here. Do you see how I’m showing you these degrees of separation between me and theme park employees? I wasn’t joking, you’ll really know at least 3 people who work there, at least seasonally. I didn’t even realize working at a theme park wasn’t a normal, everyday job everywhere until I was, like, sixteen. Wat.

Our excited shadows! Well, our regular shadows but I was oozing excitement. Nick was mostly bored with my pictures. D:

Our excited shadows! Well, our regular shadows but I was oozing excitement. Nick was mostly bored with my pictures. D:

Marvel's Superhero Island! Superhero rides, comic books and a parade of costumed heroes!

Marvel’s Superhero Island! Superhero rides, comic books and a parade of costumed heroes!

The Lone Palm Airport is Margaritaville's little bar hut that has Jimmy Buffett's actual seaplane, the Hemisphere Dancer. I met a friend working there when my hair was short and spiky green! He confused me for a lesbian.

The Lone Palm Airport is Margaritaville’s little bar hut that has Jimmy Buffett’s actual seaplane, the Hemisphere Dancer. I met a friend working there when my hair was short and spiky green! He confused me for a lesbian.

Super excited!

Super excited!

CityWalk is fun during the day, but mostly better at night.

CityWalk is fun during the day, but mostly better at night.

Our tickets! Thanks, Amy!

Our tickets! Thanks, Amy!

TOO LEGIT TO QUIT, BRUCE BANNER IS DA MAN

TOO LEGIT TO QUIT, BRUCE BANNER IS DA MAN

Baked goods. I baked homemade Cauldron Cakes for the release of the last HP movie. They were FUCKING DELICIOUS. I'll remake them when I can and repost the recipe. It was so... Good...

Baked goods. I baked homemade Cauldron Cakes for the release of the last HP movie. They were FUCKING DELICIOUS. I’ll remake them when I can and repost the recipe. It was so… Good…

It's SO cute.

It’s SO cute.

They have Hogwarts Choir concerts and they have Triwizard Cup school contestants perform, too, it's neat!

They have Hogwarts Choir concerts and they have Triwizard Cup school contestants perform, too, it’s neat!

Hogwarts Express! Platform 9 3/4!

Hogwarts Express! Platform 9 3/4!

IMG_0739

I wasn't supposed to take my phone out but whatever, whatever, I do what I want. (I'm lucky I didn't drop it, I am very clumsy, Nick would have killed me.)

I wasn’t supposed to take my phone out but whatever, whatever, I do what I want. (I’m lucky I didn’t drop it, I am very clumsy, Nick would have killed me.)

The conductor was super friendly, he kept posing for me! :)

The conductor was super friendly, he kept posing for me! 🙂

Honeydukes is all mint and candyland.

Honeydukes is all mint and candyland.

Honeydukes is connected to Zonko's Joke Shop. They share the same huge counter with 2 registers.

Honeydukes is connected to Zonko’s Joke Shop. They share the same huge counter with 2 registers.

Extendable Ear! I will own this one day.

Extendable Ear! I will own this one day.

I have hearts in my eyes.

I have hearts in my eyes.

The Dueling Dragons ride they changed into the HP Dragon Challenge. Same ride, different name.

The Dueling Dragons ride they changed into the HP Dragon Challenge. Same ride, different name.

This is actually my favorite ride of theme park ever time. It's not even scary but it's super fun and it's short enough to not make me sick with the 3D effects. The Spider-Man cartoon from the 90s is one of the first cartoons I ever decided I liked on my own (I'm a baby, whatev). It's cool feeling like I'm in a real life episode, haha.

This is actually my favorite ride of theme park ever time. It’s not even scary but it’s super fun and it’s short enough to not make me sick with the 3D effects. The Spider-Man cartoon from the 90s is one of the first cartoons I ever decided I liked on my own (I’m a baby, whatev). It’s cool feeling like I’m in a real life episode, haha.

The most beautiful castle in the land.

The most beautiful castle in the land.

Hogsmeade :')

Hogsmeade :’)

HONEYDUKES!

HONEYDUKES!

Separate entrance, next to the primary Honeydukes entrance.

Separate entrance, next to the primary Honeydukes entrance.

This thing moves and it looks like it's throwing up for real, lol.

This thing moves and it looks like it’s throwing up for real, lol.

Did not get but want.

Did not get but want.

Spiral staircase leading into nothing being used as shelving, so perf.

Spiral staircase leading into nothing being used as shelving, so perf.

Ollivander's Wand Shop! The inside to this store is one of the only places I haven't been in the theme park. Some sort of sequence show thing happens inside but there's always too long of a line for my patience to withstand without compensation by way of nervewracking roller coaster riding.

Ollivander’s Wand Shop! The inside to this store is one of the only places I haven’t been in the theme park. Some sort of sequence show thing happens inside but there’s always too long of a line for my patience to withstand without compensation by way of nervewracking roller coaster riding.

It's always so hot here, the fake snow doesn't fool anybody.

It’s always so hot here, the fake snow doesn’t fool anybody.

I die happy deaths at every turn.

I die happy deaths at every turn.

I love the attention to detail in this part of the park. Not everything is perfect but they tried the best they could and it's a dream come true~

I love the attention to detail in this part of the park. Not everything is perfect but they tried the best they could and it’s a dream come true~

Window display, wanna eat it.

Window display, wanna eat it.

 

Frozen Butterbeer tastes like frozen cream soda topped with vanilla butterscotch cream. Mmm, I die.

Frozen Butterbeer tastes like frozen cream soda topped with vanilla butterscotch cream. Mmm, I die.

Inside the Three Broomsticks Restaurant! It's attached to the Hog's Head, which is a bar and has a moving hog's head. SO. NEAT. The Three Broomsticks is really yummy and both sides serve Butterbeer.BUTTERBEER TASTES BEST FROZEN. GET THE FROZEN ONE. DO NOT GET REGULAR. GET FROZEN.

Also, the Pumpkin Juice is really good and I like to sip it and pretend I'm in the Great Hall WHAT UP

Inside the Three Broomsticks Restaurant! It’s attached to the Hog’s Head, which is a bar and has a moving hog’s head. SO. NEAT. The Three Broomsticks is really yummy and both sides serve Butterbeer.
BUTTERBEER TASTES BEST FROZEN. GET THE FROZEN ONE. DO NOT GET REGULAR. GET FROZEN.
Also, the Pumpkin Juice is really good and I like to sip it and pretend I’m in the Great Hall WHAT UP

 

Comments
One Response to “The Perks of Being Floridian”
  1. Lauren M. says:

    Lol, that guy was the conductor when harry and I went in 2010. Im glad he can have such a super job for so long! Also, I cant fucking wait until they expand it.

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