In Loving Memory: Beondra Schaffer (1987 – 2010)
One week before my birthday almost three years ago, I got a call from a friend in south Florida asking me if I knew what had happened to my sister. This friend, who was a mutual friend of both Beondra and I, and who is still a close friend of mine to this day, explained that people were writing on my sister’s Facebook wall, saying things like, “I’ll miss you so much” and “RIP, why did this have to happen?”
My first thought was that this was staged — Some sort of attention seeking thing that my sister and her friends were doing as a game or something. I had no reason to think it was serious — My sister and I hadn’t spoken in months due to a falling out we had where we both said some really nasty things to each other. I had no reason to think that anything bad had happened, but after frantically trying to call her without being able to get through, I started to believe the worst.
My sister was a fantastic person. She made bad decisions sometimes, just like we all do, but those decisions didn’t define her. She was full of compassion and empathy — Two qualities I’ve always had difficulty with and have always really admired about her. Her light was the perfect complement to my darkness, and there are still some days where I reach for my phone, thinking I want to talk to her about some recent new development in my life.
My one single regret in my life would be that she and I had not gotten the chance to make up before she passed away. Beondra was put up for adoption a little over a year before I was born, and the first time we met face-to-face was on 06/06/2006. She had green hair; mine was the color of ketchup. We had the same taste in films, books, music and guys. It was if we had grown up together and knew everything about each other without actually meeting; from colored hair to the same sort of drama as teenagers, despite being raised by different people in completely separate parts of Florida.
My sister’s death taught me a lot about myself and life in general. It’s too short to take for granted; I know everybody says that, but I never realized how true it is. My sister was a beautiful, smart, loving and genuine person — And that didn’t matter. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and you can NEVER know what the next day will bring. I can’t even stress enough how much I’d appreciate it if you called someone you care about RIGHT NOW, DON’T EVEN FINISH READING THIS ENTRY, and let them know. Tell them how much they mean to you, apologize for the stupid fights you aren’t talking about and move past it.
My sister’s favorite band for all of her life was Incubus. No matter what song, when I hear them playing, I think of her.
I miss you so much. You will be in my heart forever, and now, symbolized on my flesh for the rest of my life. You’ll be with me forever, even if you’re not. I love you.
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My tattoo was done by Freak at Granted Ink Tattoo Studio in Casselberry, Florida!
Click here for Freak’s website and portfolio!
Click here for the Granted Ink Tattoo Studio Facebook page!
I’ve been to a handful of tattoo shops in Central Florida and would definitely, DEFINITELY recommended Granted Ink. Everyone there, including the owner, are all incredibly helpful and nice. The shop itself of very clean and there are tons of awesome things to check out just by standing inside!
While working on my tattoo, even mid-stroke, I stopped Freak because of an issue with the design and he immediately changed it for me, despite that it was my fault for not noticing earlier, and was really awesome throughout! My tattoo session lasted about 3 hours, and he was super friendly and pleasant the entire time, which really helped put me at ease!
This is the biggest and most colorful tattoo I have currently. I love it, and think it’s perfect.
Beondra loved the ocean. On many occasions, she described it as being the place she felt most “at home”, and most like herself. The line, “Fate or something better, I could care less, just stay with me awhile” is from Incubus’ song, Anna-Molly.
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A cloud hangs over this city by the sea,
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be,
Out there and sober as a well for loneliness,
Please do persist girl its time we met and made a messI picture your face in the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-MollyA cloud hangs over,
And mutes my happiness,
A thousand ships couldn’t sail me back from distress,
Wish you were here,
I’m a wounded satellite,
I need you now put me back together make me rightI picture your face in the back of my eyes a fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly
I’m calling your name up into the air
Not one of the others could ever compare!
Anna-Molly, Anna-MollyWait there is a light,
There is a fire illuminated attic,
Fate or something better I could care less,
Just stay with me a while,
Wait there is a light, there is a fire defragmenting the attic,
Fate or something better I could care less,
Just stay with me a whileI picture your face in the back of my eyes a fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly,
I’m calling your name up into the air.
Not one of the others could ever compare!
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly
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(Note: My arm is a little red and swollen, these photos were taken immediately after and/or during my session!)
LOVE this, Cassie!! Such an awesome story and awesome tattoo. 🙂 I bet Beondra would have loved this.
That artwork and the sentiment behind it is absolutely beautiful, cassie ❤
This is beautiful ❤
Cassie, I don’t know if you remember me, but my name is Matt, and your sister was my everything, I’ve recently been having dreams of her, so I did a look up to see if I could find her old photobucket, and there it was. All, well just some, but of the pics you guys took when you were down here visiting her, and a lot that I had and lost, or just never had in the first place.
When I heard of your sister passing, I literally was in a rehab hospital where my mom was getting her knee rehabilitated and I broke down and had to be heavily restrained and sedated.
Faydra swore up and down that I had something to do with it, but I did not. I loved that girl with such unfathomable loyalty even through our ups and downs, that I would have ripped my still beating heart out of my rib cage and handed it to her if it was going to make her smile.
There isn’t a day I don’t look at her picture, our pictures, and still, almost 10 years later, cry, because her death is one I will NEVER shake. I wanted to marry that silly little hellion and have scary little hellions of our own one day, but alas, we do not have any say in our fate.
So I thought I’d drop a line and say hi, and hopefully you see this.
If you do, I’m on Facebook : Matt Breeden, IG: trucidocallidus email:trucidocallidus@gmail.com and my number is (Broward County) 8225871. I still live in south florida, but reside in pembroke pines now, too any bad memories in hollywood
❤ Matt
Ps
Whenever 'Stellar' comes on, it still makes my eyes water.. it was our song.