Well, so much for my posting schedule! 😛
I never do text-only posts, so here is a selfie (because I always do those, woo!):
And now, a long ramble:
I’m not shy about talking about the stuff I struggle with mental health-wise, or the fact that I lead a super busy life. I currently have 3 part-time jobs, an Etsy with regular orders to fill, this blog, occasional volunteering, and at the end of next month I’ll be taking on another part-time position at a place I used to work. All this juggling sometimes WEARS ME OUT, and if you’re familiar with the whole “spoon theory” thing, you’ll get what I mean when I say that I feel like sometimes, I’m operating at a consistent deficit.
In addition to being physically and mentally exhausted a lot of the time, I also deal with other things every day, like my Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, and really, really bad anxiety. I’ve had these issues since I was a child / teenager, and I’m usually pretty aware of them and am able to coexist alongside these neurodivergencies – but that said, I don’t always have my shit together, and sometimes they knock me on my butt and it’s a huge struggle to pick myself back up again.
It’s hard to want to do things when you feel like you just don’t have the mental or emotional bandwidth needed to do them. I love to paint and draw, but sometimes just can’t. I’d love to spend hours on my blog, reviewing books and reading them, too – but that’s just not always feasible. I do what I can, and I forgive myself for the things I can’t, or in the areas I may not be able to put 100% of my focus and effort (because I just don’t have 100% at that moment to give). I try to communicate with people when I’m not capable of giving more than I have, and I apologize a lot – most of the time, thankfully, these apologies are met with understanding & love.
But not all the time, unfortunately. Sometimes, people don’t understand the need for personal space, or time, or recharging. A “mental health break” isn’t something they believe a person should have, especially not when it goes against their own wants and whims and desires. Very recently, I cut two people out of my life completely for just that – not understanding, not being receptive, not caring about my personal well-being if it meant that they wouldn’t have constant access to me along with my undivided attention.
Suffice it to say, cutting them out was a great choice – but it was also really emotionally taxing for me. I felt guilty, and like I was asking for too much or being a jerk. I had to talk it out with several people to feel like what I was doing was “okay”, which is bananas to think about now in retrospect. Of course it’s okay!
It’s alright to take time for myself, for yourself, for any reason. I think that a lot of people are under the assumption that, with social media and texting and Facetiming and Snapchat and whatever else, they’re automatically privy to another person’s time and attention, constantly – but that’s just not the case. Just because you can reach out to someone quickly doesn’t necessarily mean they’re required to respond!
And on that same note, sometimes things like blogs, or bookstagram, or Twitter also fall a little on the back burner. Case in point, the lack of real posts here for the last week or so – when my life has stayed just as busy and full as always!
So, the tl;dr of this is mainly that I’ve been busy and dealing with my own personal stuff, and so I took a short break from posting (and from a few of my social media accounts). I’m feeling a lot better, and plan to get my normal Tuesday Tag & Thursday 10 posts back into rotation next week, along with a few new book reviews of stuff I’ve read recently.
If you’re feeling like you’re overwhelmed or stressed, don’t be afraid to take a break. The people who care about & love you will understand, and they’ll wait. I promise! Anyone who doesn’t is a jerk, and they don’t deserve you. 🙂
See you all next week!